Gourmet for the Masses:
It has come to our attention that no Italian dinner would be complete without a little whine. Our whine stewards and stewardess have selected an assortment of premium whines from our whine cellar. Many are late vintage. Others are just crusty. In the interest of efficiency and time-savings, please select your whines by number. We are sure you’ll be amused by their presumption.
Please select from the following menu:
Vehicular Vouchering Co-worker Job Lodging Institute
1. But these aren’t the cambros we brought with us when our ERV came on the job.
2. Its my ERV and if I don’t get to drive it, I’m taking it home.
3. The Mass Care Officer is SO mean, she wouldn’t let us drive OUR ERV. . .
4. Everybody else has a rental car
5. I’ve been driving this ERV for the last twelve hours, and I have to go potty.
6. But if I HAD eaten lunch, it would have cost that much . . .
7. But I don’t LIKE Mass Care food . . .
8. Do I have to work with him/her/it?
9. But the last six times they picked a restaurant, we wound up at Outback . . .
10. But that’s not how we do it in my chapter.
11. But that’s not how we did it on the last job.
12. But that’s not how we did it yesterday.
13. I was recruited for Family Service . . . I don’t want to drive an ERV .
. .
14. Everybody else has a cellular phone
15. I can’t do that . . . I have a bad ____________ (fill in name of body part)!
16. What do you mean only two pins?
17. The vest doesn’t have any pockets . . .
18. White and gray are just not my colors . . .
19. My hotel room is gross.
20. There’s no water in the pool
21. The pool’s not heated.
22. The jacuzzi is too hot.
23. There’s 23 Red Cross people in the jacuzzi.
24. There’s no water left in the jacuzzi.
25. My hotel room is too far from the beach.
26. My hotel room is too close to the flooding.
27. The waves are keeping me awake at night.
28. I have to share?
29. I have to share with who?
30. My roommate smells/snores/smokes/doesn’t smoke/has gas.
31. What do you mean the bathroom is down the hall . . .
32. But I turned in my forms to my Chapter . . . What do you mean you’ve never
heard of me?
33. I know I don’t meet the prerequisites, exactly, but you see, it’s like
this . . .
34. The store doesn’t have enough stuff.
35. I don’t have enough money to buy the store.
36. The store doesn’t have anything in my size.
37. I know my application is late, but you see, it’s like this. . .
38. But I don’t fit into chairs with desks attached . . .
39. My class keeps falling asleep.
40. My instructors are SO boring . . .
41. I have to have a downstairs room, ‘cause I get nosebleeds at high altitudes.
Copyright © 1996 Jonathan D. Frisch, R. Parky May, Theresa M. Hull All rights reserved.